Are you a score keeper?

I’m not referring to the score at your kids soccer game.

Do you keep score?

Funny enough, I accidentally stumbled upon an app on my phone that does just that! Scorekeeper is a Google app that keeps score of whatever you need: a friendly rivalry, good deeds, swear jar. Their sales pitch- if you can score it we can keep it.

Keeping Score

Early on in our marriage, I was a scorekeeper. I could have given you a list of things my husband did that I did never got to do. I spent my time and focus on making that list even.

He went out with friends.

I went out with friends.

He slept in.

I slept in.

He bought something he wanted.

I bought something I wanted.

The convo went something like this:

“Well you did X so I should get to do Z.”

Despite my immature behavior, he was never really much of a scorekeeper, which is probably why we are still happily married!

No Winnners

I can promise you when someone keeps score, no one wins! Now, I’m not saying you should be a door mat and never get to do anything you want to do while your mate lives it up. Scorekeeping is doing something just because your spouse did it.

When you keep score, it’s easy to let your list pile up. They did A, B, C and you file that away somewhere on the scorecard. Then when they do D it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

We have grown older, been married almost 15 years, and had 3 kids. During this time I have learned life isn’t all about me! Really?! Well that kind of sucks! But it’s true. And, when you find someone you love, you want the best for that person.

Fast forward to now- we have a pretty successful marriage by trying to fill up each other’s score cards rather than keeping score for ourselves. That’s not always easy because the world tells us to take care of ourselves, our needs come first, we deserve it. I am an advocate for self care. I can tell when I haven’t been taking care of myself. I get grouchy and start snapping at the kids. But if I spend ALL my time taking care of myself, then that’s not good either.

Natural Born Scorekeepers

Our kids are natural born scorekeepers.

Me: “Girls feed the dogs.

Them: “It’s Emily’s turn I did it last time.”

They know exactly whose turn it is or isn’t and they will tell you! How peaceful would it be if they just did it without arguing? Maybe someday I will be able to report back to you on that one.

The bottom line: Don’t keep score. Worry about yourself. Put others needs ahead of your own.