November 17th. Diagnosis day. A date I will never forget.

I have so many emotions. The last few weeks I have mentally relived each step…mammogram…ultrasound…biopsy…results…breast cancer

I remember how I felt – the unease about my future made it so hard to focus and I felt physically Ill with little appetite. (I do miss being a little skinnier) haha

There are so many parallels from last year and this year…

At the time, our middle daughter, Emily, was in PT for an ankle injury. Interestingly enough, she just sprained her ankle (again) and we are back in PT. I remember being in that same parking lot, at this time last year, telling my sister in law my mammogram showed a concern. And now, here we are a year later, back in the same spot, cancer free.

Last year, the kids and I took a trip to Tennessee for Emily’s softball tournament while my husband was gone on his hunting trip. This took place after my mammogram, but before the biopsy. I was a nervous wreck but I had to put on a brave face because we had not said anything to the kids yet. I had so much worry and anxiety.

This year, Emily’s softball team went to the same Tennessee tournament, while my husband was gone on his hunting trip… deja vu. I felt an underlying anxious feeling the whole time. It was like eerily reliving the emotions I had felt last year.

It feels surreal, almost like it didn’t happen. Yet it also feels like it was just yesterday. It’s hard to explain.

I’ve learned a lot in the last year. I’ve re-prioritized a little. I don’t sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. After radiation, I went to panic mode about recurrence and mentally had a very rough March/April/May. Now the worry of recurrence is fading. I have my freak out days, but most of the time I can put it to the back of my mind.

I have sadly slipped back into some old pre-cancer habits and routines. I spend a little less time in prayer. I don’t journal as much. I guess I feel a little less desperate, which has lead me a little farther from God. I miss the closeness I experienced during that time. I am thankful for the awesome people God put in my life. I have an amazing support system and a whole shelf full of get well cards and letters I will probably never throw away.

I am happy to put this experience in the rear view, learn from it, and move on to my new normal. I will be celebrating this day by having dinner with my husband and kids (yay! No cooking) I’m so thankful to be here.

I am a one year survivor!