Tuesday, October 16th was our 14th wedding anniversary. 14 years. 5,110 days. If I had to guess, I would say about 1000 of those days were spent surviving, and the other 4110 were spent thriving! If you’re thriving days exceed your surviving days, you’re in good shape! We are certainly NOT marriage experts, but here’s how we’ve made it 14 years!

MAKE QUALITY TIME FOR EACH OTHER

Right now we are knee deep in busy. With 3 kids, there is always someone to pick up, drop off, help with homework, feed, etc… Our girls play travel softball and are year-round gymnasts. Our son is just starting to get involved in sports. Alone time is a precious commodity. Sometimes it is downright impossible to find time together, let alone QUALITY time. A few months ago we planned the most long overdue date night in the history of the universe. It was go time and our 5 year old decided to have the most epic meltdown – so bad that we had to cancel our plans. I cried. Real tears. I wanted to run away. So, a few weeks later we tried again, it worked, and we were home by 9:00 because, well, we’re exhausted and sometimes it’s nice to just be home!

If you can squeeze in a real adult vacation, I HIGHLY recommend it. We have done that a few times throughout our 14 years and it is worth every penny. We took a trip for our 10 year anniversary and that high lasted months and months. It was so recharging. We got tattoos while we were there so basically we are either stuck with each other or will spend the rest of our lives finding someone else whose names start with “K” and “A.” I have a good friend who makes this a priority with her husband at least once a year. Her words “I want us to still like each other when the kids are grown and gone.” I realize it may not be an option to do this because of time, money, babysitters, etc.. but if the chance comes up, grab it with both hands and run to the beach!!

Another thing that has really boosted our marriage is attending church together. Plain and simple. It makes a difference. Not just with us, but with our family in general.

Matthew 19: 5-6, For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. 

HANG OUT WITH HAPPY COUPLES

This is a biggie! If you hang out with unhappy people who constantly complain about their significant others, suddenly you may start to complain about your spouse. It’s a little bit contagious. When someone tells you repeatedly about that thing her husband does that drives her crazy, suddenly you may realize your husband has a thing.  Now, before I go any further, let me just say, nothing beats a good vent to a friend when necessary! Been there done that (last week as a matter of fact!!) Just make sure it’s a vent session – get it out and move on. Don’t stew. This is a good rule of thumb for people in general. Of course, taking it to the source is important. If you only vent to friends and never to your spouse, he/she may not realize how upset you are about that thing. I’ve been mad at my husband for days, then eventually realized I had never talked to him about my frustration. I had only stewed about it or talked about it to other people. Turns out he is not a mind reader, even though it seemed pretty obvious to me!

Collectively, our parents have been married for a LONG time – roughly 94 years! Then add in all the aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and friends, and it works out to a whole lot of years of marriage. Surrounding yourself with happy couples who model a good relationship is so awesome! Learn from them! Also keep in mind no two marriages are alike. Don’t get stuck in the comparison trap. Just because another couple does something, doesn’t mean it will work for you. But it might give you some ideas and insight into your own relationship.

 

BE A CYCLE BREAKER

This one is a toughie! When your husband is being a jerk, it’s easy to be a jerk right back. But that usually doesn’t get you very far. Be the cycle breaker. Be nice! When months have passed with no nice gestures, be the first to break the cycle and do something nice. Do something nice for your spouse and they will be more inclined to do something nice back. I have found just like complaining, this is also contagious. Opposite of what the world tells us, be the one to give in and give more. It’s not always easy (14 years later I am STILL working on this one) but it’s worth it! If you always put each other first, there won’t be much to argue about!

REMINISCE

When we first met, my husband laid it on thick. He was always giving me compliments, saying nice things, and super affectionate.

Fast forward 14 years. Eh.

Just kidding. He still does nice things – the other day he brought me home flowers for no reason. Super thoughtful and totally made my day! The nice gestures and compliments are a little more spread out but they sure are appreciated. Years ago we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Now, some days we have to keep our hands to ourselves so we don’t strangle each other! Time will do that to you! But it sure is nice to think back to the honeymoon phase. It is a good reminder of why we fell in love.

Look at old pictures. Revisit your first date spot. Reminisce!

DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH

Live happily ever after!