Tag: control

My Women’s Retreat Experience AKA Jesus Camp 2019

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A few weekends ago, my friend Whitney and I went to a Women’s Retreat (which we playfully nicknamed Jesus Camp)

She grew up spending weeks at Lake Ann Camp during the summer. This was my first experience.

When she asked me to go, my mouth said “yes” but my head said “no.” I searched the calendar secretly hoping I would be busy. But this weekend, nothing. Crap.

I was excited and reluctant all at the same time.

I had a month or so to prep (worry) about it.

Before I knew it, the weekend was here. The anxiety started creeping in Friday morning and by the drive there, it was full force. My fitbit actually recorded a full day worth of fat burn heart rate, even though we spent most of the day in the car.

How stupid am I? Schedule a weekend away to relax and get refreshed, then stress about it and make it the exact opposite!

Despite the anticipation and anxiety, I was quickly reassured by the beauty of this place!

The entrance has a cute sign and the prettiest tree lined drive, which sadly I did not get a picture of. (Think beginning of the wedding shower scene of Bridesmaids, without the lemonade) haha

Upon check in at the welcome center, my anxiety started to ease up a little. We unpacked in the cabin and went exploring. The lake was so peaceful and very quiet.

There were so many cute, random places to sit.

Friday night we had dinner and a session with the speaker, Shannon Popkin, about her book on giving up control to God. This is something I really struggle with, so it was the perfect message for me to hear! And the chapel was beautiful.

There were a lot of fun activities. We did a high ropes course which was absolutely terrifying but fun. I had a slight internal panic attack during instruction, and even though I was scared out of my mind, I did the quick jump (kind of like a bungie jump) I was the first one of our group to do it, which is a HUGE milestone for me. I like to see things before I do them! You stand at the edge of the platform and just step off. Just take a step. Um what? I wish I could have taken a picture from the top. It was terrifying. But I did it!! Whitney chose a different course than I did.

Here is a photo of her in the cocooon of death which you wouldn’t catch my clautrophobic butt anyway near!!

During free time Saturday we went into Traverse City and stopped at a winery on the way. It had gorgeous views and was set up for a wedding that afternoon. Awe. We did some wine tasting, then went shopping and got some of the most delicious fro-yo I have ever tasted.

The weather was perfect, the scenery was great, and we had an awesome time!

If I had to do it over again, I would!

Likes:

VERY peaceful, quiet, and beautiful.

A variety of fun activities and free time to do what you want

24/7 access to coffee/tea (fellow caffeine addicts will understand)

Dislikes:

Sharing a cabin/bathroom with strangers

The moral of the story? Years ago you would not have caught me dead at something like this! But at this point in my life, it was the perfect getaway at the perfect time. And the topic was on point for me. The whole experience made me realize I have come a long way, yet still have a long way to go. Gotta step out of your comfort zone to grow!

Calling All Control Freaks and Worry Warts

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It’s February already!

Yikes!

Weren’t we just ringing in the New Year? Like usual, time is flying.

Back in December, I had posted about my New Year’s Resolution. Only 1 this year! You can read about it here. Right around this time, a dear friend had reached out to me about getting together for a book study. We both struggle with control issues and anxiety so I searched for something along those lines and found It’s All Under Control by Jennifer Dukes Lee. We decided it would be worth checking out, ordered the book and study guide, and started reading. The timing could NOT have been better! Looking back, this was a total God thing. Had my friend not reached out, I probably would not have picked this book. I have a bookcase and Kindle full of books I’ve ordered and never found the time to read. Shameful, I know!! I broke my own rule of not buying any more books until I read the ones I already have, and I am oh so glad I did!

Immediately I fell in love with this book. It was EXACTLY what I needed to read at that exact moment in my life. I read with a pencil and highlighter in hand. If you’ve never done this before, try it! In the past, I opted for e-books. Super convenient, but for a scatterbrain like me, it’s very hard not to get distracted. Ding – email. Ding – Facebook message. Ding – text message. Ding. Ding. Ding. Plus, there are a lot of verses to reference. Some devices make it hard to swap back and forth between a bible app and a book.

I usually read early in the morning as part of my quiet time. Sometimes I got up before my 5:30 am alarm (crazy, I know) wrapped myself in a blanket, and read. Some days I would stare down the clock, hoping it would slow down so I had more time to read. My book friends will understand what this is like!

In order to let God be in control (as I said before, I know He is in control, but I typically like to pretend I am) I really need to keep myself on track. This book was a great tool for that. I could relate to the majority of the book.

While I don’t want to send out a spoiler alert, I do want to share a few of my favorite parts:

• “True Rest isn’t about your lack of activity; it’s about the state of your soul.” This one spoke to me! I am a busy person (aren’t we all) Work, kids, family, etc.. sometimes feel like there is just nothing I can cut. Maybe sometimes that is ok – if I find rest for my soul. That needs to be non-negotiable. Because without rest for my soul, I just can’t tackle the weekend-long softball tournaments or gymnastics meets or band festival.

• As long as everything goes exactly the way I want, I am totally flexible. Ha. Totally me!

• God cares for your loved ones more than you do. Love this! One of my biggest areas of stress and worry comes from my family. The world is a scary place. I worry about my kids, sometimes in an over the top, unhealthy way. I can reason with myself and know the worry won’t do any good, but still can’t stop. It was a great reminder that God loves them more than me.

• My type A likes to be in charge. Fundraisers, field trip chaperones, travel softball accommodations, you name it, I’ll do it. Until now! I’m starting to pass the baton. I just can’t do it all. I’ve come to realize something has got to give. Sometimes it’s painful because they just don’t do it right. Ha ok I’m joking (kind of) but in the end, it’s done and that’s all that matters.

I would practically rewrite the entire book if I wanted to share all my favorite parts! Had I read this a few years ago, I might not have been so enthralled. I’m telling ya – divine timing!

Here are my two cents on how I got the most out of this book:

• Get the paper copy! This is one of those books I feel like you will want the book in hand. I realize electronic devices make it easy to bookmark, etc… but for me, this was a book I wanted a paper copy of!

• If you follow step 1, have a pencil/pen/highlighter handy. There are so many things I underlined because I could totally relate.

• Use the study guide. I learn best by writing. For me, this was the perfect companion to the book. It had a lot of thought-provoking questions, fill in the blank, and other exercises. I have done studies in the past where the study guide was very redundant of the book, but this was not the case in my opinion.

You can order the book and study guide on Amazon by clicking on the images below.

You can also check out her website which has a lot of other great info. www.jenniferdukeslee.com

I hope you enjoy this book as much as I have! I’m looking forward to meeting with my friends to discuss!

My one and only 2019 New Year’s Resolution

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Christmas comes and goes in a flash, then we start focusing on the New Year. Ahh the New Year. A chance to start over and try again. Sounds great! But by February, a lot of people have already failed at their grandiose goals, so they give up and vow to try again next year. And by a lot of people, I mean ME.

This year I’m doing things differently.

Instead of a long bullet point list of resolutions in alphabetical order (hey, what can I say, I like to be organized) I have one New Year’s Resolution. One. Numero Uno.

I’m giving God control of my life.

Hang on, let me rephrase. He already has control of my life, but I’m letting go of the wheel. Up until now, I have done a fabulous job filling the role of driver’s ed instructor… Sitting in the passenger seat, foot lightly resting on the brake, ready to tap at a moments notice. Grabbing the wheel to turn a different direction. Foot on the pedal to go a little faster. Telling God the driver – go this way, slow down, watch out. Checking the rearview mirror to see what’s going on behind me. Looking at what’s going on around me. It’s time to STOP.

Cue Carrie Underwood – Jesus take the wheel.

I have accomplished a lot of things this past year, but giving up control is NOT one of them.

I have a very firm grip on my life so it’s no secret I am not a fan of the unexpected (unless it’s a surprise trip to a tropical place – in that case, count me in!) Let’s find out what’s coming and then prepare for it, ok? I like to be in control. If you need something organized or planned, I’m your girl! God gave me an extra serving of Type A when he created me. Sometimes I get mad at him for that. Why make me so controlling, then tell me to give up and surrender control?

Some people think giving up control will be easier once certain accomplishments are achieved. Once I get the job I want, once I pay off the car, once I land this deal, once I beat this disease. Then that accomplishment happens and we focus our control on the next milestone. Goals are great, but if we keep hitting fast forward, we miss out. I thought once we became more financially sound, I would give up worry and control about money. Wrong. We’re in better shape now than we were 10, even 5 years ago, but I still worry about finances. My family eats a little better, I drink more water, the kids are active, but I am still concerned about our health. Our kids made it through the terrible 2’s and survived Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Now our oldest will be driving in a few short years. The older they get, the more my worry grows. When they were babies I thought it would be the opposite. Turns out I was wrong.

A worrywart is defined as someone who worries EXCESSIVELY and NEEDLESSLY.

I have a strong family bloodline of worrywarts so I know this term well!

Excessively. Yup – that’s me sometimes like a record stuck on repeat.

Needlessly. Hmmm, that one is tricky. We are told in the Bible over and over and over again not to worry. Yet we do. Some of the things we worry about happen. Car accidents. Disease. Divorce. Natural disasters. Shootings. So is it needless to worry about those things? Short answer – Yes. Worrying is needless. Does that mean we are ALL worrywarts? Worry won’t stop these things from happening, but sometimes we try to justify the worry. If we spend time worrying about what could happen, we are a little better prepared in case it does. (Remember I like to be prepared!) I’ve come to the conclusion that giving God control of my life won’t wipe out all challenges. But, if we focus on the Word and really let God do his part, we might see a little decline in our anxiety. I say “might” instead of “will” because I have not actually tried this theory! I’ve tried to try this theory. But like past resolutions, I’ve failed.

So – here we are, December 2018. I’m ready to tackle my resolution.

While it is just one resolution, there are several commitments I need to make in order to be successful at this one thing.

  • ACCEPTANCE AND ACCOUNTABILITY
    • Think Serenity Prayer, possibly plastered everywhere you can see it
    • Find a friend who can keep you on the right track (I already have a few lucky ladies in mind)
  • PRAY
    • Not just when you need something
  • READ THE BIBLE. Everyday!
    • Not just when you are freaking out or worried
  • REDIRECT
    • This one is the hardest for me. When worry creeps in, kick it out by redirecting your thoughts back to God.
  • REMOVE DIRTRACTIONS AND DISCONNECT
    • Facebook – we’re taking a much-needed break. It’s not you, it’s me.
  • THANK GOD THAT HE IS CONTROL
    • Dual purpose here – we give thanks and remind ourselves of this promise

There you have it – my non-traditional alphabetized bulletin point resolution list that I vowed not to make!

If you’re working toward a similar resolution, I would love to know I’m not the only control freak out there. Your list of necessities to accomplish this goal may look different than mine. We’re all at a different starting point!

Like most busy people, we have tons to remember, so here’s a trick to help. Make an acronym – TRAP or PART.

TRAP (Thank God that He is in control, Read the Bible, Redirect, Remove distractions, Acceptance and Accountability, Pray)

or

PART (Pray, Acceptance and Accountability, Read the Bible, Redirect, Remove distractions, Thank God that He is in control)

Just remember the R represents 3 things:

Read the Bible, Redirect your thoughts, Remove distractions

You can remember the acronym another way – I will PART ways with worry and control. I will TRAP worry and control.

If you’re coming with me, here are a few verses and quotes to get you started.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Romans 8:28 (a fav of mine) And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (the first verse I memorized) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he shall make straight your path.

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. – Swedish Proverb

Worry is believing God won’t get it right. – Todd Wagner

When one has too great a dread of what is impending, one feels some relief when the trouble has come. – Joseph Joubert

You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside. – Wayne Dyer

You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway. – Steve Maraboli

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him – Groucho Marx

(Just making sure you are reading to the end!)