October 31st, 2021 I stood in my kitchen, prepping food and listening to music, and feeling a little sorry for myself. I just felt stunted….like I had spiritually outgrown my circle at that moment in time. I don’t say that to sound conceited in any way. It came from a place of a desire to grow deeper.

As I was thinking about this, I thought back on times in my life when things were tough. Really tough. But those were also the times my faith grew deeper. I prayed God would put the people and situations I needed in my life so I could grow deeper.

Then I panicked.

This is a scary prayer, because it often feels like an invite for rocky roads and troubled times. But I thought “bring it.”

Little did I know, God would “bring it” very quickly and in an unexpected way. The next day I went in for my routine mammogram with very little stress and worry. I had one the year before. It was not terrible like I expected (maybe it’s because I’ve had 3 kids and my boobs are, well, sad and deflated) My results from last year were normal and I expected this year to be the same.

2 hours after my appointment, I got the call.

There is a spot the doctors want to take a closer look at and they had already scheduled an appointment for November 10th for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. That felt like 100 years away, but in our pandemic world, 9 days is record time.

Not the best timing, as my husband was gone on his annual hunting trip and of course, our son got sick and developed strep throat that week as well.

So I had to tell some friends and family because I needed help, or else I would have to delay my tests.

The radiologist showed me the images and I had a pit in my stomach. It looked a lot like the cancerous stuff I’d seen on online during my weak moments of googling. 2 days later I had a biopsy.

Around this time, I was winding down on my daily Bible reading plan. This was my 2nd trip through the Bible. Looking ahead, I was set to finish my annual plan on Wednesday, November 17th. I had fallen about 3 weeks behind schedule throughout the year, but I think on God’s clock I was right on time. I just knew that would be the day I got my results…and it would be. MALIGNANT. How could this be?

The next week was an absolute roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I was able to meet with a surgeon very quickly and that helped.

It is no coincidence that I finished reading the Bible the day of my results. It is no coincidence I prayed to go deeper, then God led me to a valley.

I told God-there must be a purpose for this. I don’t know what it is but I don’t think I can go wrong by hoping people see God through me in all of this. I’m not sure how much that has happened, but I have definitely seen God in everyone around me. The calls, texts, cards, FB messages, flowers, food, gifts, and prayers… It has been unbelievable.

I immediately vowed to keep a positive attitude because I know it will impact this experience 100%. Some days that feels like a full time job. Other days it feels like this is almost too easy.

There is a lot of uncertainty right now, but one thing is 100% certain. If I had not read through the Bible twice and had a habit of daily quiet time with God, this would have WRECKED me wwwaaaaayyyyyyy worse. I have had hard days, where worry and doubt try to take hold, but I can eventually shake it off with God’s help. I told a friend, at times my cancer diagnosis feels like a blaring song on repeat so loud in my head that I can’t hear anything else. Other days, it feels like background music. It’s there but I can almost forget about it. I do not think I would have “background music” days without God.

I am sharing this story for a few reasons.

1) I like to write- I find it very therapeutic, even if I don’t share it with anyone. Journaling is a very freeing exercise! But then I think about Matthew 5:15..

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14‭-‬16 ESV

My story could help someone else, but only if I share it.

2) Get your damn mammograms. I can’t believe how many people said “I’m so overdue” when I told them about the findings on my routine mammogram. Please, get yours mammograms…on time… every year!

3) Having a relationship with God is foundational for making it through tough times. At first, I thought about people way worse off than me – people with:

*No family or friends to support support or help

*No health insurance

*Without flexible jobs so they can take that first available appointment

*People without a savings account for rainy days like this

I am fortunate that I don’t have to battle those things I just listed, I ONLY have to battle cancer, which feels like enough. Many others are fighting multiple battles in addition to the C word. But without God…scary words…without God this would feel impossible to me.

So, moral of the story, spend time with God. If you don’t have a daily practice, start small. Mine started out small and has grown into more. Thanks for the prayers!